today has been SUCH a lazy day for me.  i have done literally nothing but lay in bed, read, and get on the computer.  that’s why i’m not surprised i’m feelilng especially friendless and lonely today.  i miss my old life…when i was on my school’s cheer squad and i was relatively, but not overly, popular.  now i blend in with the crowd and have none of the same friends i did a year ago.  i hate having pity parties for myself but i really do miss it.


want to hear a story? okay. (:
when i was a sophomore (i’m going to be a senior in august) this group of cheerleaders from my high school’s rival school decided to be super mean to me.  idk why they never told me.  this was when we were all turning 16 and getting cars.  so they would drive by my house almost every night honking and yelling things like “bitch” and “slut” out the windows.  then it got worse.  they started ringing my doorbell at 10 at night and then 3 in the morning and knocking.  it was honestly kind of scary.  they would egg my house and write on the windows.  one day i was home sitting in my living room alone and i saw a car pull in my driveway and a girl who i was super good friends with before all of this got out and started writing “jizz” on the window…so i walked out and was like…”uhh hi?”  and she laughed and didn’t know what to do and ran and they sped off.  I told my mom but she didn’t know what to do.  it kept going and we called the cops to tell them there were people bothering us and they came out and called them, but that didn’t stop them.  one night i was at home sick…i think it was a friday night.  so i was in my room feeling like shit sleeping and i wake up to my mom running in my room going “what the hell is on your window?  grandma and grandpa drove by and told me to look and i did…LOOK AT IT.”  and i get up to go over to that window of my room and open the curtains and there, in big blue letters was “CUNT” they were dumb enough to take a picture and put it on facebook so i printed the page and showed my mom who showed my school and we all had to have a meeting together.  they all don’t like me still, but at least they stopped.

none of you probably understand how much what they did hurt me, but it left me totally broken.  everyone at school knew what they did and thought it was funny and made me the butt of their jokes.  i was alone and i still feel alone.  i honestly think i will always be alone.  i will never get the image out of my mind of that word on my window.  it was like the knife that was already cutting me dug into my heart and now part of it is gone.
well i’m glad i got that out.  its ok if you didn’t read it all, i just had to vent so you would understand why i get so depressed.

heres the update:


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